Well the state reporting saga continues. I am to the 11th hour again and trying to utilize my Yoga breathing to maintain calm and peace as I struggle with the stress of getting it posted and certified in time. Emotionally it is stressful and I find myself obsessing, even though mentally I know somehow we will accomplish this task. It just takes so much out of me during the last hours available. When the end of the day arrives, the state will turn off our access so I have to complete today and I need data from others to do so. That is where I struggle with managing stress.
I have worked almost all day on this report, with network outages and no lights, but I think I may be close to stating it is completed. I will run a few more checks tomorrow. As of now a file is there and certified, and I have a few days to make corrections, but the file had to be posted today.
Sometimes I feel like life is too short for this kind of stress for this kind of money. I try to keep it in perspective, but it sounds much easier than it is.
Speaking of money, I hear from my sister that she has to begin paying a large portion of her health care and take a pay cut. I'm sure I'll get the same news next summer when our current contract ends. The saddest part of all, is; I just signed my evaluation agreeing to take on another state reporting (reporting all teachers, students and the final grades for each student for each term for each class) beginning this August. I do have a wonderful benefit package in my position, but the pay is that of a secretary and I feel a bit abused. Ultimately, if I want to forfeit my retirement benefits, I could walk away and not have to deal with all this stress and lack of appreciation, but how do I do that with Ron relying on the investment I have already made for us some kind of retirement???
It really does appear that as long as I go along and remember I am of no value to all those around me, all is well. So this too shall work it's way out to benefit everyone. Since I started my "re-invention of Jona" it seems like all the people I spend time with are much happier. Of course, I don't talk about what I want or do anything for me, so that seems to be working. As I told Deidra today, the proof is in the evidence. The evidence is everyone else is happy and when everyone else is happy, that makes me happy.
Last night at dinner, (I had Deidra, Henry, Max, Mason, Magnus, Bobby, Marinda and Thurman) over and Mason and Max say a new prayer at dinner, "I am thankful for ___________" and "I want God to help me with__________________". I focus on how thankful I am for my family, and a good job, and then I ask God to help me with continuing on my journey to better myself for those around me. I have a friend that says, "keep saying it and eventually you will believe it".
Watch for my review of the new Cars movie. Tomorrow the kids and I are planning to go. I haven't been to a movie since the last Harry Potter came out.
Have a great day! "Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart." Myla Kabat-Zinn
Namaste
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